I recently read a statement that insisted we should seek God in our hard times because that’s when we need Him most.
This statement baffled me.
Almost three months ago I gave birth to my daughter, Esmay, and held her for a little over two hours before she passed away in my arms. This is by far the greatest heartache of my life to this day.
So I ask myself, did I need God more in those precious hours of saying hello and goodbye to my daughter than I did just four days before when I was blissfully pregnant?
No . . . I needed Him the same.
My circumstances do not determine my level of need for God.
It is in this time that I am recognizing a new depth of the need I have for Him. This need has always been there, but through this suffering my eyes have been opened a tad bit more to the truth of me, which intensifies and illuminates His inexplicable goodness and my dreadful shortcomings.
So no, I do not need Him more now that my daughter has died; I need Him the same as I did the moment I found out I was miraculously pregnant.
Every second I breathe is a moment that I desperately need God, despite whether that moment is full of laughter or tears.
Every day I need my Savior, whether I choose to acknowledge Him or not.
He is not more compassionate and more loving towards me because my heart is broken. There are no levels to His love and grace.
He consistently loves me.
I consistently need Him.
I need Jesus the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow.
I just need Him.